Walter: "Well, young lady, what have we here?"
Laurel: "New puppy. A guy gave him to us, and she needs shots and whatever. My dad gave me 10 bucks to cover the cost."
Walter: "Well, first of all, this isn't a pup. This is an older dog."
Laurel: "Na-ah! The man said!"
Walter: (Laughs) "No, I'm afraid I'm right. See these yellow teeth. That shows she is an older dog."
Laurel: "Yeah? OK! My dad has teeth like that so maybe you are right."
At this point, Debby and I are choking with laughter, trying to be quiet.
Walter: "Where is your dad? Can he come in?"
Laurel: "Nah! He's across the street having a beer. Once he starts, you can't get him to leave."
My wife and I are now strangling.
Walter: "How about your mom. Is she available?"
Laurel: "Nah! She ran off with my schoolteacher."
Debby and I are now in tears, struggling to be silent.
Walter: "Aah! I need to talk to my receptionist. I'll be right back."
At this point, the exam room door opened, and Walter stepped out. Seeing us, he cried, "Hey! Hi! What are you guys doing here?"
Then, as realization set in, he ignored the crowded waiting room and bellowed, "You got me, you son of a b**ch!"
Walter is retired now and still living in Tucson. I genuinely fear what will happen after he reads this column.
Robert M. Miller, DVM, is an author and a cartoonist, speaker, and Veterinary Medicine Practitioner Advisory Board member from Thousand Oaks, Calif. His thoughts in "Mind Over Miller" are drawn from 32 years
as a mixed-animal practitioner. Visit his website at http://robertmmiller.com/.
Dr. Robert M. Miller